Just checking in…

Written By: admin - May• 18•11

…because the local Kroger has a personal vendetta against apostrophes, I swear.  Also quotation marks.

Rent-a-wait a second!

Written By: admin - May• 04•11

Veronica says, “I suppose if the kids were with you at the time of rental, ‘surprise’ might pass.”

Yeah, yeah, quotation mark abuse, blah blah blah.  I’m way more hung up on: this is a THING?  CHICK rental?  And hey, if you bring it back alive, you get your money back!

Oh, honey.

Written By: admin - Apr• 27•11

Colleen was initially disturbed by this one, but on second thought says “I hate ham, so I agree that Honeybaked Hams are ‘excellent.'”  See?  No problem here.  Move along.

WINNING, duh!

Written By: admin - Mar• 25•11

Reporter #1 sends in this snapshot she took, explaining that “For those of us who live in Tim Hortons country, it’s that festive time of year called Rrroll up the Rrrrim to Win!”  She also mentions that “since I haven’t ‘won’ so much as a free coffee, I can’t really speak to what this means.”

We’ll discuss further below.

Now I immediately shared Reporter #1’s annoyance at all the quotation marks flying left and right.  Then it occurred to me that if the tabs did, in fact, say “Winning” on them, then these rules are just quoting.  So I actually found the contest website (you can play online!) and checked, and it turns out they actually say “WIN.”  So if this is correct, it’s on a very technical point.  And also, it’s annoying.  Are they winning tabs or are the prizes kind of sucky?  Which is it?

Now I’d like to talk about two things that are TOTALLY MORE OUTRAGEOUS.  First of all, the chain was named after a dude called Tim Horton.  I checked.  I’m not a professional researcher for nothing, people.  How hugely annoying is their massive lack of an apostrophe in their own name?  Why doesn’t this fact bother every right-thinking Canadian?  Eh?

Secondly, I mean, I know what Tim Hortons is because I have a television and it’s kind of a running joke about Canada, like Atlanta and Waffle House.  But Reporter #1, as we have previously noted, lives in Buffalo.  Looks to me like Buffalo has to get its national priorities straight.  Are you too good for Starbucks and Caribou Coffee, Buffalo?  Why do you hate America?

They hate me, don’t they?

Written By: admin - Feb• 25•11

And by “they,” I clearly mean the punctuation-abuse gnomes that populate my office building at night.  Over the weekend, they went haywire, scattering these near every elevator.

I get that they were probably working off a template where they’d used the quotation marks to indicate “insert proper time here.”  Fine.  Just DELETE THEM when you’re done!

Extreme anthropomorphism

Written By: admin - Jan• 03•11

I could elaborate on this one, but Leah’s fantasy is funnier.  She asks that you hear it “in chipmunk voices.”

I’m just imagining the electrical wires crying out in terror as someone approaches with a drill. Or else it’s a subliminal message they chant constantly just out of the range of human hearing.

‘Tis the season for fake gourd pie

Written By: admin - Nov• 24•10

Happy Thanksgiving!  Or should I say “Happy” “Thanksgiving”?

Photo and title credit go to Reporter #1!

Later. Definitely later.

Written By: admin - Sep• 24•10

Reporter #1 snagged this bee-yew-tiful example of punctuation abuse!

Honestly, I would be so tempted to not pay at all…

Wholesale opportunities

Written By: admin - Aug• 27•10

I could make several individual posts out of the pictures I took at a single store this weekend.  But I won’t, because that feels like cheating.  So here we go.

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The best part about this one was that it was a copy.  They’d copied it and posted it all over one end of the store, an exuberant festival of abused apostrophes and quotation marks.

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I’m willing to give points for consistency.  If you want to argue that you’re going to just preface every single “s” with an apostrophe — I mean, you’d be wrong, but at least you’d be consistent.  Similarly if you argued that pluralization should occur with apostrophes: still wrong, but some points.  I’d even accept an (incorrect) argument that nouns that end in the singular with a vowel, like “sample,” require an apostrophe for pluralization, whereas those ending with consonants don’t.  But why on earth would you pluralize “sample” and “cap” with an apostrophe and NOT “box”?

Maybe they’re quoting The Robot?

Written By: admin - Aug• 18•10

John provides some background:

A local road that is  under construction has some poorly maintained train tracks at a steep angle to the roadway.  Many cyclists have been injured when their bicycle tires get caught in the tracks.  Instead of filling the tracks with rubber, allowing trains to use the tracks and cyclists to cross safely, the railroad put up this sign.

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Urgh.  “Seriously.”

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