All KINDS of exciting possibilities going on here

Written By: admin - Mar• 15•13

Eric A. found this sticker in his lab. That’s right, his lab, where dangerous things occur… things like WEAR-EYE and BODY PROTECTION. Also FACE.

You want to be very, very careful in a place like this, Eric. Stay safe.

But… they make poffertjes! and wooden shoes!

Written By: admin - Feb• 27•13

Colleen submits this on behalf of Diane.

Diane spotted this gem in The Reporter, the newspaper for the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod.

I’ve been to the Netherlands. Even if you’re going to go with “Holland” instead, they deserve better than a misspelling and a missed comma!

In-conceivable!

Written By: admin - Feb• 22•13

My father found this and sent it to me gleefully. (Most of his RPB emails are gleeful, you can just tell.) He was clearly excited about the technological wonder available at this Motel 6.

Kind of makes you wonder, doesn’t it?  In-door windows, in-door speakers, and now in-door pools!

Go go RPB-ZOOM!

I dunno, Dad. It kind of seems like you should have stopped at this place and taken a picture of the in-door pools. It might have been kind of interesting.

It’s all in the (really tiny) finer points

Written By: admin - Jan• 30•13

Reporter #1 is baaaaack, y’all. Well, okay, she never went anywhere, but I’m back to posting her stuff.

Reporter #1 entitles this photograph “Comma splices: they’re not just for undergraduate essays anymore!”

I’m just so busy being glad that they spelled “it’s” correctly that the comma barely bothers me. But it is, in fact, a comma, as we can see if we compare it to the exclamation point. And that makes it WRONG.

Just for fun, Reporter #1 included this extra wrongness in the same email!

RPB gets COMPETITIVE

Written By: admin - Aug• 15•12

Y’all, RPB is contagious. It’s a fever. And the only prescription… is more cowbell.

Er, I mean, having your submission posted, so that you’re not the only one of your siblings who has yet to be anointed by the RPB.

This is why I am ignoring my personal rule of thumb and posting an email. Because I have to, y’all. You see, Heather is the only one of three sisters who has not yet been published here! We have to fiiiiix iiiiiit.

I wonder if Gigatent asks its prospective employees for resume’s?

Thanks for the submission, Heather, and welcome to the club. 🙂

Uh… Candygram.

I’m a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster.

Written By: admin - Jun• 29•12

Other than that, there’s not much to say about this one, which appeared on Reporter #1’s Facebook feed.

Eeeeeeeee this one is like fingernails and chalkboards. (Youngsters: chalkboards were the whiteboards of my day, and uphill both ways in the snow.)

Ugh. After a frisson of horror like that, we clearly need a break full of geeky bromance. You’re welcome.

I mean, I want to put a comma before “Losers” there, but in that instance the awesome outweighs the punctuation issues.

Somebody call Hank Hill: “That’s a $50 fine after I report it.”

Written By: admin - Jun• 20•12

It’s Wednesday! And I’m no longer working overnight shift! So, uh, hi. And here’s a post!

————

Reporter #1 includes the important information that this construction site is the same one that features danger lasers.

I want to go to there, y’all. The place is obviously happening.

A contemplation of cheese

Written By: admin - Feb• 23•12

Sometimes when I’m bored I go shopping.  I don’t always buy things, but I like to look.  And now I also like to take pictures.

For your consideration, the wrapper of the cheese I found at Kroger.

Ahem.

…If it had anymore than it’s 75% butterfat, it would technically be better.

Now I’m not at all going to argue that more butterfat will most probably make anything better.  That seems obvious.

But check this out!  Mere inches away, I found this sign.

I can only surmise that the wrapper was written first, and the sign is the product of a revision by an Honorary RPB Member.  Look at the masterful use of dashes and semicolons!  As well as, you know, a basic understanding of the difference between contractions and possessives.

I feel unclean and I cannot quite express why

Written By: admin - Jan• 30•12

I love you all.  I appreciate every submission (and want more! MORE!).  But sometimes I get submissions I choose not to use, because I don’t like them.  It’s my blog.

Sometimes I feel like the mistake was so obviously made by someone struggling with English that I don’t find it amusing… I’ve made hideous errors myself in foreign languages.  More than once!

Sometimes I don’t think the “mistake” was a mistake.  Sometimes I’m just in a bad mood and I don’t want to, jeez.

And then sometimes I find myself genuinely puzzled about the error.  I stare at it.  I try to think about what the submitter could have seen that I’m not seeing.  I try to be ONE with the error.

This picture wasn’t quite one of those.  Veronica wrote only “Gag” in her email, so I wasn’t sure what I was looking for.

It’s clearly a tagline, and I know copywriters have a bit of creative latitude in things like capitalization and punctuation.  So I looked at this one, and contemplated whether it was really a mistake.

Then I realized something.  I was HUGELY UNCOMFORTABLE.  What is it about this picture, y’all?  It’s totally unnerving!  There’s a figure in the corner that might be a baby-doll in a carseat, or it might be a crash test dummy, or it might be a dead body, it’s just sitting there floppily… there’s a poster with hivemind buzzwords… and then there’s

and I just can’t handle it any more.  What is this, Volvo?  What are you trying to do to us?  I’m so confused.

We know not whom to snub!

Written By: admin - Jan• 27•12

I’ll let Reporter #1 tell this story:

I found this postcard in the ladies’ room of the local outlet mall this weekend.

 I wish they’d managed to indicate what STORE it was for so that I could boycott them on account of their complete lack of a grasp of English grammar.
(I’ve compressed the image a little, so you’ll have to take my word for it — the store isn’t mentioned in the fine print either.)
I’m almost disheartened enough with the world that I’ll let the singular use of “product” stand here.  It might be businessspeak in the department store world, who knows.  But “button downs” really needs a hyphen and “womens” and “mens” are just unforgivable.  WHY DO YOU HATE THE APOSTROPHE, WORLD? WHY.
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